and all that jazz

I’ll tell you what its felt like. It felt like someone took my heart out and threw it on the sidewalk and then stomped on it and then put it back inside me… When I was walking by myself today. FUCK, I was so close to him. So fucking close! The same city!.. And then I think it was also me feeling like a failure because I let myself down hard. I have been trying to contact him for a while now and finally this whim to come and visit while I’m home is the perfect opportunity. Then fate kills my phone and I don’t see him. I was literally crushed. I felt so dumb, like shit. Ugh, feelings.. But, I’m over it. I don’t know If I should even try to talk to him anymore, I’m a little embarrassed to call him now. What should I do.